“If Jordan says he didn’t know about it, then he’s lying.”
Dunyasha Yetts
Ohio State Wrestler
Ohio State Wrestler
Corruption
“While attempting to take the suspect into custody, another confrontation occurred; however, the suspect was ultimately apprehended.”
Memphis Police Department
Violent Street Gang
Violent Street Gang
“Trump just announced for 2024. I stand with him. I never conceded my HD 14 race. Now researching my options.”
Solomon Peña
Grand Old Partier
Grand Old Partier
“Almost every person in the room clapped like a seal…they applaud, all of them, almost like they have to.”
Comrade Carlson
Almost Like He Has To
Almost Like He Has To
“We do stupid things in life.”
Rep.-elect George Santos (R-NY)
If That’s Even His Real Name
If That’s Even His Real Name
“Each card comes with an automatic chance to win amazing prizes like dinner with me. I don’t know if that’s an amazing prize, but it’s what we have.”
Donald Trump
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
“Senator Sinema makes every decision based on one criteria: what’s best for Arizona.”
Hannah Hurley
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
“SpaceX has not typically purchased large advertising packages from Twitter.”
Current and Former SpaceX Employees
God Rest Their Souls
God Rest Their Souls
“If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed…….and we will deserve it.”
Lindsay Graham
Deserves It
Deserves It
“I know nothing of any woman having an abortion. If that had happened, I would have said there’s nothing to be ashamed of there. People have done that—but I know nothing about it.”
Herschel Walker
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
“Put on the full armor of God. Stand firm against the left’s schemes.”
Ron DeSantis
20 Pounds of Shit in a 10 Dollar Suit
20 Pounds of Shit in a 10 Dollar Suit
“There was no way of knowing if what they took was legitimate, or was there a plant?”
Donald Trump
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
“He’s going to fucking lose.”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Subject Matter Expert
“Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent.”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Jersey Boy
“At a time when we needed all hands on deck, Liz Cheney jumped ship, dogpaddled to the other side, and is now shooting back at us.”
“We are not a mixed race, and we do not want to become a mixed race either.”
Viktor Orbán
Hungry Hungary Hitler
Hungry Hungary Hitler
“I don’t regret anything I did on that day.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
“I’m the fucking president—take me up to the Capitol now!”
Donald Trump
The D.C. Strangler
The D.C. Strangler
“I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi.”
Rudy Giuliani
Asti Spumante
Asti Spumante
“This was not me encouraging rioters.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Seditious Dipshit
Seditious Dipshit
“I think the American people are looking at two policy differences and recognizing that Donald Trump was absolutely on the right track when it came to Russia.”
Ronna McDaniel
RNC Chairwoman
RNC Chairwoman
“I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful.”
Donald Trump
Fucking Monster
Fucking Monster
“WHEREAS, Representative Cheney and Kinzinger are participating in a Democrat-led persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse…”
Republican National Confederacy
“We fight like hell. And if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”
Donald J. Trump
Traitor
Traitor
“In my mind, I have never crossed the line with anyone, but I didn’t realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn.”
Andrew Cuomo
American Crisis
American Crisis
“I’m sorry, I don’t know much about ammo.”
Kyle Rittenhouse
Child, Murderer
Child, Murderer
“I do love grilling and cooking, and that was silly, and I appreciate that everyone enjoys it.”
Mark Zuckerberg
Barbecue, Disinformation Connoisseur
Barbecue, Disinformation Connoisseur
“Joe Manchin, I talk to his office every week.”
Keith McCoy
Senior Director for Federal Relations, ExxonMobil
Senior Director for Federal Relations, ExxonMobil
“Jim Jordan called me crying, groveling, begging me to go against my brother, begging me, crying for a half-hour. That’s the kind of cover-up that’s going on there.”
Adam DiSabato
Ohio State Wrestler
Ohio State Wrestler
“You know, I can laugh about things like the Grim Reaper, but calling me Moscow Mitch is over the top.”
Moscow Mitch McConnell (R-RU)
“His abuse of power as an elected member of Congress to smear a fellow veteran who works as a staffer in the same halls is disgraceful and unethical.”
494 U.S. Military Vets to Dan Crenshaw (R-TX)
“Why would you do this to anyone, let alone…the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?”
Robert Costello
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
“Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad…”
Donald Trump
“I feel I’m nothing today. I feel I’m nothing. I lost my son and I feel I’m nothing.”
Mohammed Kinani
“As the Holiday season approaches, President Trump will continue to work tirelessly for the American People.”
The White House
“If President Trump grants me this miracle, I can honestly say I am putting everyone connected to that zoo and that industry behind me.”
Joe Exotic
“…almost 12 million renters faced average rent and utility debts of $5,850…The estimate is almost ten times the size of the $600 checks offered in Congress’ second COVID-19 stimulus package.”
Moodys Analytics
“…we’re going to win this election in a landslide.”
Donald Trump
“President Trump won this election in a landslide…it’s going to be irrefutable…this is essentially a new American revolution…and I’m going to release the Kraken.”
Sidney Powell
“…those facing hunger will swell to 1 in 6 people, from 35 million in 2019 to more than 50 million by this year’s end. The consequences are even more dire for children — 1 in 4.”
Feeding America
“As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to PARDON myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?”
Donald Trump
“The president out the door needs to pardon his whole family and himself because they want this witch hunt to go on in perpetuity. They’re so full of rage and insanity against the president.”
Sean Hannity
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
“I can tell you we’ve come to a conclusion, and Carrots, I’m sorry to tell you the result did not change. It’s too bad for Carrots.”
Donald Trump
“Sidney Powell is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team.”
Rudolph Giuliani
“Did you all watch My Cousin Vinny?”
Rudolph Giuliani
“I won the Election!”
Donald Trump
“No, I pay tax. I pay a lot of tax. I just signed a big fat check recently for a lot of tax. I paid literally, I paid a lot of tax and you know, look, I don’t mind. I’m proud to pay it up. If I owe it, I pay it.”
Donald Trump
“I saved his ass.”
Donald Trump
“The pattern looked like obstruction of justice as a way of life.”
John Bolton
“Will some people be affected? Yes. Will some people be affected badly? Yes. But we have to get our country open, and we have to get it open soon.”
Donald Trump
“Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I. The boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer.”
Brett Kavanaugh