“Almost every person in the room clapped like a seal…they applaud, all of them, almost like they have to.”
Comrade Carlson
Almost Like He Has To
Almost Like He Has To
Eat the Rich
“Each card comes with an automatic chance to win amazing prizes like dinner with me. I don’t know if that’s an amazing prize, but it’s what we have.”
Donald Trump
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
“Senator Sinema makes every decision based on one criteria: what’s best for Arizona.”
Hannah Hurley
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
“SpaceX has not typically purchased large advertising packages from Twitter.”
Current and Former SpaceX Employees
God Rest Their Souls
God Rest Their Souls
“As a physician, I’ve been in the room when there’s some difficult conversations happening. I don’t want the federal government involved with that, at all. I want women, doctors, local political leaders…”
Dr. Oz
Puppy Mengele
Puppy Mengele
“He’s going to fucking lose.”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Subject Matter Expert
“Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent.”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Jersey Boy
“I think the American people are looking at two policy differences and recognizing that Donald Trump was absolutely on the right track when it came to Russia.”
Ronna McDaniel
RNC Chairwoman
RNC Chairwoman
“I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful.”
Donald Trump
Fucking Monster
Fucking Monster
“I do love grilling and cooking, and that was silly, and I appreciate that everyone enjoys it.”
Mark Zuckerberg
Barbecue, Disinformation Connoisseur
Barbecue, Disinformation Connoisseur
“I’m building infrastructure the hard way. I’m using my resources to put in place heavy lifting infrastructure so the next generation of people can have a dynamic, entrepreneurial explosion into space.”
CEO, entrepeneur, born in 1964, Jeffrey…Jeffrey Bezos
“Who among us would look perfect if every ex leaked every photo/text?”
Matt Gaetz
Bizarro Donny Osmond
Bizarro Donny Osmond
“…almost 12 million renters faced average rent and utility debts of $5,850…The estimate is almost ten times the size of the $600 checks offered in Congress’ second COVID-19 stimulus package.”
Moodys Analytics
“…those facing hunger will swell to 1 in 6 people, from 35 million in 2019 to more than 50 million by this year’s end. The consequences are even more dire for children — 1 in 4.”
Feeding America
“This criticism is fair. It doesn’t matter whether something is technically allowed or not—I need to hold myself to a higher standard and I will do better.”
London Breed
Mayor of San Francisco
Mayor of San Francisco
“My husband’s administration has worked to try and affect change when it comes to issues around race and religion in this country.”
Melania Trump
Hertler
Hertler
“Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I. The boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer.”
Brett Kavanaugh