“there’s so much fun to be had in this storytelling that I do.”
Bill Cosby
America’s Predator Dad
America’s Predator Dad
Gaslighting
“Almost every person in the room clapped like a seal…they applaud, all of them, almost like they have to.”
Comrade Carlson
Almost Like He Has To
Almost Like He Has To
“As a physician, I’ve been in the room when there’s some difficult conversations happening. I don’t want the federal government involved with that, at all. I want women, doctors, local political leaders…”
Dr. Oz
Puppy Mengele
Puppy Mengele
“I know nothing of any woman having an abortion. If that had happened, I would have said there’s nothing to be ashamed of there. People have done that—but I know nothing about it.”
Herschel Walker
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
“There was no way of knowing if what they took was legitimate, or was there a plant?”
Donald Trump
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
“He’s going to fucking lose.”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Subject Matter Expert
“Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent.”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Jersey Boy
“One dollar. Not proven.”
Andino Reynal
Alex Jones’s Lawyer, Just Before Losing a Case for $4.1M
Alex Jones’s Lawyer, Just Before Losing a Case for $4.1M
“I don’t regret anything I did on that day.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
“…an unbroken tradition of prohibiting abortion on pain of criminal punishment persisted from the earliest days of the common law until 1973.”
Justice Samuel Alito
History Buff
History Buff
“I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi.”
Rudy Giuliani
Asti Spumante
Asti Spumante
“Have one door into and out of the school, and have…armed police officers at that door.”
Ted Cruz
US Senator (R-Cancun)
US Senator (R-Cancun)
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“This was not me encouraging rioters.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Seditious Dipshit
Seditious Dipshit
“Remember that Zelenskyy is a thug. Remember that the Ukrainian government is incredibly corrupt and is incredibly evil and has been pushing woke ideologies.”
Madison Cawthorne (R-NC)
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
“WHEREAS, Representative Cheney and Kinzinger are participating in a Democrat-led persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse…”
Republican National Confederacy
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“In my mind, I have never crossed the line with anyone, but I didn’t realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn.”
Andrew Cuomo
American Crisis
American Crisis
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“At this point, we think the procedures were correctly followed, and this was a righteous strike. Were there others killed? Yes, there are others killed. Who they are, we don’t know.”
Gen. Mark A. Milley
Righteous Dude
Righteous Dude
“Jim Jordan called me crying, groveling, begging me to go against my brother, begging me, crying for a half-hour. That’s the kind of cover-up that’s going on there.”
Adam DiSabato
Ohio State Wrestler
Ohio State Wrestler
“That would not have been possible if we had followed Fauci. Instead we followed freedom. And that’s the reason Florida is doing better.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“He would never have anticipated finding himself in the situation, but for the president and the rally and the way everything went down. We’ve heard ‘ mob mentality ’ — and he describes it to a T.”
Brent Mayr
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
“They’re accusing me of being aggressive and saying that my mannerisms are wrong. It’s definitely the other way round.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA)
Moronic Asshole
Moronic Asshole
“His abuse of power as an elected member of Congress to smear a fellow veteran who works as a staffer in the same halls is disgraceful and unethical.”
494 U.S. Military Vets to Dan Crenshaw (R-TX)
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“They’re afraid to say what’s on their mind for fear of getting into a fight. But if they have that guy or that group behind them, they’re more bold in saying what they think, because they think someone has their back. The Proud Boys are the vehicle that attracts those people and accepts them in.”
Russell Schultz
ex-Proud Boy
ex-Proud Boy
“The Swine Flu (H1N1), and the attempt for a vaccine by the Obama Administration, with Joe Biden in charge, was a complete and total disaster. Now they want to come in and take over one of the greatest and fastest medical miracles in modern day history. I don’t think so!”
Donald Trump
“Wednesday’s toll eclipsed American deaths on the opening day of the Normandy invasion during World War II: 2,500, out of some 4,400 Allied dead.”
Associated Press
“…we’re going to win this election in a landslide.”
Donald Trump
“The president out the door needs to pardon his whole family and himself because they want this witch hunt to go on in perpetuity. They’re so full of rage and insanity against the president.”
Sean Hannity
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
“That’s all I hear about now. That’s all I hear. Turn on television—Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. A plane goes down. 500 people dead, they don’t talk about it. Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. By the way, on November 4, you won’t hear about it anymore.”
Donald Trump
“Sidney Powell is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team.”
Rudolph Giuliani
“Did you all watch My Cousin Vinny?”
Rudolph Giuliani
“We are rounding the final turn.”
Donald Trump
“I won the Election!”
Donald Trump
“No, I pay tax. I pay a lot of tax. I just signed a big fat check recently for a lot of tax. I paid literally, I paid a lot of tax and you know, look, I don’t mind. I’m proud to pay it up. If I owe it, I pay it.”
Donald Trump
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“We’re looking at Chicago, too. We’re looking at New York. All run by very liberal Democrats. All run, really, by the radical left.”
Donald Trump
“I am your President of law and order, and an ally of all peaceful protesters.”
Donald Trump
“California and New York must do something about their TREMENDOUS Homeless problems. They are setting records! If their Governors can’t handle the situation, which they should be able to do very easily, they must call and politely ask for help. Would be so easy with competence!”
Donald Trump
“Will some people be affected? Yes. Will some people be affected badly? Yes. But we have to get our country open, and we have to get it open soon.”
Donald Trump