“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, but Ron DeSantis is definitely a fucking idiot.”
Winston Churchill
Kakistocracy
“You have said the actual truth.”
Edolf Twittler
“What does Mike Johnson think about any issue under the sun? I said, well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it—that’s my worldview.”
Mike Johnson
Self-Described Theocrat
Self-Described Theocrat
“If Jordan says he didn’t know about it, then he’s lying.”
Dunyasha Yetts
Ohio State Wrestler
Ohio State Wrestler
“Trump just announced for 2024. I stand with him. I never conceded my HD 14 race. Now researching my options.”
Solomon Peña
Grand Old Partier
Grand Old Partier
“I ran out of things I could even imagine to ask for.”
Rep. Matt Gaetz
Briefly forgetting about underage girls
Briefly forgetting about underage girls
“Bullshit!”
Rep. Lauren Boebert
Game Recognizing Game
Game Recognizing Game
“We do stupid things in life.”
Rep.-elect George Santos (R-NY)
If That’s Even His Real Name
If That’s Even His Real Name
“Each card comes with an automatic chance to win amazing prizes like dinner with me. I don’t know if that’s an amazing prize, but it’s what we have.”
Donald Trump
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
“Senator Sinema makes every decision based on one criteria: what’s best for Arizona.”
Hannah Hurley
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
Spokesperson / Cashier for Senator Sinema
“If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed…….and we will deserve it.”
Lindsay Graham
Deserves It
Deserves It
“I am work with many police officers.”
Herschel Walker
Georgia Ranger
Georgia Ranger
“I know nothing of any woman having an abortion. If that had happened, I would have said there’s nothing to be ashamed of there. People have done that—but I know nothing about it.”
Herschel Walker
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
“I’m not that smart.”
Herschel Walker
Special Teams
Special Teams
“Put on the full armor of God. Stand firm against the left’s schemes.”
Ron DeSantis
20 Pounds of Shit in a 10 Dollar Suit
20 Pounds of Shit in a 10 Dollar Suit
“Everything I had was in that phone! All these businesses…Those aren’t in any cloud!”
Mike Lindell
Probably Going to MyPrison
Probably Going to MyPrison
“There was no way of knowing if what they took was legitimate, or was there a plant?”
Donald Trump
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
“He’s going to fucking lose.”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Subject Matter Expert
“Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent.”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Jersey Boy
“At a time when we needed all hands on deck, Liz Cheney jumped ship, dogpaddled to the other side, and is now shooting back at us.”
“I don’t regret anything I did on that day.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
“I’m the fucking president—take me up to the Capitol now!”
Donald Trump
The D.C. Strangler
The D.C. Strangler
“…an unbroken tradition of prohibiting abortion on pain of criminal punishment persisted from the earliest days of the common law until 1973.”
Justice Samuel Alito
History Buff
History Buff
“I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi.”
Rudy Giuliani
Asti Spumante
Asti Spumante
“Have one door into and out of the school, and have…armed police officers at that door.”
Ted Cruz
US Senator (R-Cancun)
US Senator (R-Cancun)
“They want to know if you are eating a cheeseburger which is very bad because Bill Gates wants you to eat his fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Bacteria Sample
Bacteria Sample
“Do you agree with this book … that babies are racist?”
Cancún Ted Cruz (R-MX)
Junior Senator From Quintana Roo
Junior Senator From Quintana Roo
“This was not me encouraging rioters.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Seditious Dipshit
Seditious Dipshit
“Remember that Zelenskyy is a thug. Remember that the Ukrainian government is incredibly corrupt and is incredibly evil and has been pushing woke ideologies.”
Madison Cawthorne (R-NC)
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
“I think the American people are looking at two policy differences and recognizing that Donald Trump was absolutely on the right track when it came to Russia.”
Ronna McDaniel
RNC Chairwoman
RNC Chairwoman
“I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful.”
Donald Trump
Fucking Monster
Fucking Monster
“Don’t worry, don’t pick your gender yet.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Florida Man
Florida Man
“WHEREAS, Representative Cheney and Kinzinger are participating in a Democrat-led persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse…”
Republican National Confederacy
“If I die, I die.”
Marvin Lee “Meat Loaf” Aday
Keeps the Doctor Away
Keeps the Doctor Away
“Maybe you do a clinical trial, and it’ll show it’s less effective than against delta. That may be the case. But we have patients who have benefited. That’s just the fact.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“We fight like hell. And if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”
Donald J. Trump
Traitor
Traitor
“She is a fearless leader, a defender of the America First Agenda, and a fighter against the Loser RINOs and Radical Democrats.”
Donald J. Trump
Aspiring Despot
Aspiring Despot
“He can’t be scripted, and he’s injudicious, and he often doesn’t understand that the process is about events and facts, rather than being performance art. ”
Tim O’Brien
Trump Biographer
Trump Biographer
“She doesn’t have a backpack, we should be fine.”
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)
“At this point, we think the procedures were correctly followed, and this was a righteous strike. Were there others killed? Yes, there are others killed. Who they are, we don’t know.”
Gen. Mark A. Milley
Righteous Dude
Righteous Dude
“Robert E. Lee is considered by many Generals to be the greatest strategist of them all.”
Donald Trump
U.S. History Scholar & Renowned Military Strategist
U.S. History Scholar & Renowned Military Strategist
“Jim Jordan called me crying, groveling, begging me to go against my brother, begging me, crying for a half-hour. That’s the kind of cover-up that’s going on there.”
Adam DiSabato
Ohio State Wrestler
Ohio State Wrestler
“[Allah] endowed us with the right to life.”
Mulluh Greg Abbott
Islamic Emirate of Texas
Islamic Emirate of Texas
“I know that the ruling was a very complex and also probably temporary. I think other things will happen and that will be the big deal and the big picture. So we’ll see what would happen, but we’re studying the ruling and we’re studying also what, what they’ve done in Texas, but we have great confidence in the governor and the attorney general and the lieutenant governor.”
Donald Trump
Repeat Customer
Repeat Customer
“This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary.”
Aunt Lydia
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
“Senate Bill One will solidify … the outcome of our elections by making it easier to … cheat.”
Gov. Rick Abbott
(More or Less, You Know It’s What He’s Thinking)
(More or Less, You Know It’s What He’s Thinking)
“It’s almost deja vu—a reboot. We knew this. We all anticipated this. This is no surprise to any of us in the health care world.”
Shankar Kurra, M.D.
Rapid City Hospital, South Dakota,
Rapid City Hospital, South Dakota,
“That would not have been possible if we had followed Fauci. Instead we followed freedom. And that’s the reason Florida is doing better.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“Jacksonville is kind of the epicenter of this. They had one of the lowest vaccination rates going into July and that has probably really came back to bite them.”
Justin Senior
CEO, Florida Safety Net Hospital Alliance
CEO, Florida Safety Net Hospital Alliance
“This could’ve been prevented if we’d gotten vaccination numbers to higher levels.”
Donald Williamson
President, Alabama Hospital Association
President, Alabama Hospital Association
“The infections are expanding at a pace we have never experienced before.”
Prime Minister Yosihide Suga
“We are not shutting down.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“You know, I can laugh about things like the Grim Reaper, but calling me Moscow Mitch is over the top.”
Moscow Mitch McConnell (R-RU)
“You know, we can look back at a time in history where people were told to wear a gold star, and they were definitely treated like second class citizens, so much so that they were put in trains and taken to gas chambers in Nazi Germany. And this is exactly the type of abuse that Nancy Pelosi is talking about.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Ersatz Human,
Ersatz Human,
“He would never have anticipated finding himself in the situation, but for the president and the rally and the way everything went down. We’ve heard ‘ mob mentality ’ — and he describes it to a T.”
Brent Mayr
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
“They’re accusing me of being aggressive and saying that my mannerisms are wrong. It’s definitely the other way round.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA)
Moronic Asshole
Moronic Asshole
“His abuse of power as an elected member of Congress to smear a fellow veteran who works as a staffer in the same halls is disgraceful and unethical.”
494 U.S. Military Vets to Dan Crenshaw (R-TX)
“Why would you do this to anyone, let alone…the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?”
Robert Costello
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
“Who among us would look perfect if every ex leaked every photo/text?”
Matt Gaetz
Bizarro Donny Osmond
Bizarro Donny Osmond
“Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad…”
Donald Trump
“I feel I’m nothing today. I feel I’m nothing. I lost my son and I feel I’m nothing.”
Mohammed Kinani
“As the Holiday season approaches, President Trump will continue to work tirelessly for the American People.”
The White House
“If President Trump grants me this miracle, I can honestly say I am putting everyone connected to that zoo and that industry behind me.”
Joe Exotic
“…the great vast majority of the psychological community says homosexuality at a very minimum is a choice by the individual, and at the maximum, is a learned behavior.”
Mike Pence
No Homo
No Homo
“…almost 12 million renters faced average rent and utility debts of $5,850…The estimate is almost ten times the size of the $600 checks offered in Congress’ second COVID-19 stimulus package.”
Moodys Analytics
“The magnitude of this national security breach is hard to overstate.”
Thomas P. Bossert
Former DHS Security Advisor
Former DHS Security Advisor
“…a team deployed by the General Services Administration will…‘thoroughly clean and disinfect’ all furniture, doorknobs, handrails and light switches, before Biden and his team move in. Additionally, a private contractor will provide ‘disinfectant misting services’ to clear the air of lingering droplets.”
Politico
“The Swine Flu (H1N1), and the attempt for a vaccine by the Obama Administration, with Joe Biden in charge, was a complete and total disaster. Now they want to come in and take over one of the greatest and fastest medical miracles in modern day history. I don’t think so!”
Donald Trump
“Wednesday’s toll eclipsed American deaths on the opening day of the Normandy invasion during World War II: 2,500, out of some 4,400 Allied dead.”
Associated Press
“…we’re going to win this election in a landslide.”
Donald Trump
“Things are really bad.”
Dr. Ashish Jha
Brown Univ School of Public Health
Brown Univ School of Public Health
“President Trump won this election in a landslide…it’s going to be irrefutable…this is essentially a new American revolution…and I’m going to release the Kraken.”
Sidney Powell
“…those facing hunger will swell to 1 in 6 people, from 35 million in 2019 to more than 50 million by this year’s end. The consequences are even more dire for children — 1 in 4.”
Feeding America
“.@RudyGiuliani, by far the greatest mayor in the history of NYC, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election (by far!) in the history of the USA, has tested positive for the China Virus. Get better soon Rudy, we will carry on!!!”
Donald Trump
“There’s plenty of data that could show in states with mask mandates are also having record cases and record deaths. If someone can show me the correlation between the mandate and their performance, that would be a good thing to see.”
Doug Burgum
Governor of South Dakota
Governor of South Dakota
“As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to PARDON myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?”
Donald Trump
“The president out the door needs to pardon his whole family and himself because they want this witch hunt to go on in perpetuity. They’re so full of rage and insanity against the president.”
Sean Hannity
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
“That’s all I hear about now. That’s all I hear. Turn on television—Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. A plane goes down. 500 people dead, they don’t talk about it. Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. By the way, on November 4, you won’t hear about it anymore.”
Donald Trump
“Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?”
Melania Trump
“For purposes of National Security, Section 230 must be immediately terminated!!!”
Donald Trump
“I encourage all Americans to gather, in homes and places of worship, to offer a prayer of thanks to God for our many blessings.”
Donald Trump
“I can tell you we’ve come to a conclusion, and Carrots, I’m sorry to tell you the result did not change. It’s too bad for Carrots.”
Donald Trump
“Sidney Powell is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team.”
Rudolph Giuliani
“Did you all watch My Cousin Vinny?”
Rudolph Giuliani
“I won the Election!”
Donald Trump
“We are rounding the final turn.”
Donald Trump
“…the vice president will maintain his schedule in accordance with the C.D.C. guidelines for essential personnel.”
Devin O’Malley
Spokesman for Mike Pence
Spokesman for Mike Pence
“We were 3½ miles through darkness to get there. There was no direction given.”
Kris Beckenbach
Trump Rally Volunteer
Trump Rally Volunteer
“No, I pay tax. I pay a lot of tax. I just signed a big fat check recently for a lot of tax. I paid literally, I paid a lot of tax and you know, look, I don’t mind. I’m proud to pay it up. If I owe it, I pay it.”
Donald Trump
“Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers.”
Donald Trump
“I saved his ass.”
Donald Trump
“You gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests.”
Donald Trump
“[My] policies are promoting economic growth, while still maintaining standards that allow Americans to have among the cleanest air and water in the world.”
Donald Trump
“My husband’s administration has worked to try and affect change when it comes to issues around race and religion in this country.”
Melania Trump
Hertler
Hertler
“If we don’t make a deal, that means they don’t get the money. That means they can’t have universal mail-in voting; they just can’t have it.”
Donald Trump
“It is what it is.”
Donald Trump
“The police have killed many white people also.”
Donald Trump
“If you get it in order, you get extra points.”
Donald Trump
“We’re looking at Chicago, too. We’re looking at New York. All run by very liberal Democrats. All run, really, by the radical left.”
Donald Trump
“This is an emoji.”
Trump 2020 Campaign
“PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!”
Donald Trump
“The pattern looked like obstruction of justice as a way of life.”
John Bolton
“MAGA loves the black people.”
Donald Trump
“California and New York must do something about their TREMENDOUS Homeless problems. They are setting records! If their Governors can’t handle the situation, which they should be able to do very easily, they must call and politely ask for help. Would be so easy with competence!”
Donald Trump
“Will some people be affected? Yes. Will some people be affected badly? Yes. But we have to get our country open, and we have to get it open soon.”
Donald Trump
“Save your great 2nd Amendment. It is under siege!”
Donald Trump
“Many of the people in DACA, no longer very young, are far from ‘angels.’ Some are very tough, hardened criminals.”
Donald Trump
“It isn’t enough, though. I’m done with ‘thoughts and prayers’ in the wake of such tragedy.”
Ben Orbach
Author and Entrepreneur
Author and Entrepreneur
“I mean, in this world, this is a world with a lot of problems. And it has been a world with a lot of problems for many years. Many, many years. You could say, frankly, for many centuries.”
Donald Trump
“Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I. The boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer.”
Brett Kavanaugh
“We are going to have the Air Force and we’re going to have the Space Force, separate but equal. It is going to be something so important.”
Donald Trump