“ I’m not that smart. ”
Herschel Walker
Special Teams
Posted: 24 Sep 2022
Kakistocracy
“ Put on the full armor of God. Stand firm against the left’s schemes. ”
Ron DeSantis
20 Pounds of Shit in a 10 Dollar Suit
Posted: 20 Sep 2022
“ Everything I had was in that phone! All these businesses…Those aren’t in any cloud! ”
Mike Lindell
Probably Going to MyPrison
Posted: 17 Sep 2022
“ There was no way of knowing if what they took was legitimate, or was there a plant? ”
Donald Trump
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
Posted: 23 Aug 2022
“ He’s going to fucking lose. ”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Posted: 20 Aug 2022
“ Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent. ”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Posted: 20 Aug 2022
“ At a time when we needed all hands on deck, Liz Cheney jumped ship, dogpaddled to the other side, and is now shooting back at us. ”
Harriet Hageman
Posted: 18 Aug 2022
“ I don’t regret anything I did on that day. ”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
Posted: 28 Jul 2022
“ I’m the fucking president—take me up to the Capitol now! ”
Donald Trump
The D.C. Strangler
Posted: 30 Jun 2022
“ …an unbroken tradition of prohibiting abortion on pain of criminal punishment persisted from the earliest days of the common law until 1973. ”
Justice Samuel Alito
History Buff
Posted: 27 Jun 2022
“ I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi. ”
Rudy Giuliani
Asti Spumante
Posted: 16 Jun 2022
“ Have one door into and out of the school, and have…armed police officers at that door. ”
Ted Cruz
US Senator (R-Cancun)
Posted: 09 Jun 2022
“ They want to know if you are eating a cheeseburger which is very bad because Bill Gates wants you to eat his fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish. ”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Bacteria Sample
Posted: 03 Jun 2022
“ Do you agree with this book … that babies are racist? ”
Cancún Ted Cruz (R-MX)
Junior Senator From Quintana Roo
Posted: 25 Mar 2022
“ This was not me encouraging rioters. ”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Seditious Dipshit
Posted: 22 Mar 2022
“ Remember that Zelenskyy is a thug. Remember that the Ukrainian government is incredibly corrupt and is incredibly evil and has been pushing woke ideologies. ”
Madison Cawthorne (R-NC)
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
Posted: 20 Mar 2022
“ I think the American people are looking at two policy differences and recognizing that Donald Trump was absolutely on the right track when it came to Russia. ”
Ronna McDaniel
RNC Chairwoman
Posted: 16 Mar 2022
“ I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful. ”
Donald Trump
Fucking Monster
Posted: 12 Mar 2022
“ Don’t worry, don’t pick your gender yet. ”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Florida Man
Posted: 25 Feb 2022
“ WHEREAS, Representative Cheney and Kinzinger are participating in a Democrat-led persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse… ”
Republican National Confederacy
Posted: 09 Feb 2022
“ If I die, I die. ”
Marvin Lee “Meat Loaf” Aday
Keeps the Doctor Away
Posted: 27 Jan 2022
“ Maybe you do a clinical trial, and it’ll show it’s less effective than against delta. That may be the case. But we have patients who have benefited. That’s just the fact. ”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Posted: 26 Jan 2022
“ We fight like hell. And if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore. ”
Donald J. Trump
Traitor
Posted: 06 Jan 2022
“ She is a fearless leader, a defender of the America First Agenda, and a fighter against the Loser RINOs and Radical Democrats. ”
Donald J. Trump
Aspiring Despot
Posted: 18 Dec 2021
“ He can’t be scripted, and he’s injudicious, and he often doesn’t understand that the process is about events and facts, rather than being performance art. ”
Tim O’Brien
Trump Biographer
Posted: 12 Dec 2021
“ She doesn’t have a backpack, we should be fine. ”
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)
Posted: 10 Dec 2021
“ At this point, we think the procedures were correctly followed, and this was a righteous strike. Were there others killed? Yes, there are others killed. Who they are, we don’t know. ”
Gen. Mark A. Milley
Righteous Dude
Posted: 21 Sep 2021
“ Robert E. Lee is considered by many Generals to be the greatest strategist of them all. ”
Donald Trump
U.S. History Scholar & Renowned Military Strategist
Posted: 10 Sep 2021
“ Jim Jordan called me crying, groveling, begging me to go against my brother, begging me, crying for a half-hour. That’s the kind of cover-up that’s going on there. ”
Adam DiSabato
Ohio State Wrestler
Posted: 09 Sep 2021
“ [Allah] endowed us with the right to life. ”
Mulluh Greg Abbott
Islamic Emirate of Texas
Posted: 08 Sep 2021
“ I know that the ruling was a very complex and also probably temporary. I think other things will happen and that will be the big deal and the big picture. So we’ll see what would happen, but we’re studying the ruling and we’re studying also what, what they’ve done in Texas, but we have great confidence in the governor and the attorney general and the lieutenant governor. ”
Donald Trump
Repeat Customer
Posted: 07 Sep 2021
“ This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ”
Aunt Lydia
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Posted: 02 Sep 2021
“ Senate Bill One will solidify … the outcome of our elections by making it easier to … cheat. ”
Gov. Rick Abbott
(More or Less, You Know It’s What He’s Thinking)
Posted: 01 Sep 2021
“ It’s almost deja vu—a reboot. We knew this. We all anticipated this. This is no surprise to any of us in the health care world. ”
Shankar Kurra, M.D.
Rapid City Hospital, South Dakota,
Posted: 29 Aug 2021
“ That would not have been possible if we had followed Fauci. Instead we followed freedom. And that’s the reason Florida is doing better. ”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Posted: 23 Aug 2021
“ Jacksonville is kind of the epicenter of this. They had one of the lowest vaccination rates going into July and that has probably really came back to bite them. ”
Justin Senior
CEO, Florida Safety Net Hospital Alliance
Posted: 21 Aug 2021
“ This could’ve been prevented if we’d gotten vaccination numbers to higher levels. ”
Donald Williamson
President, Alabama Hospital Association
Posted: 20 Aug 2021
“ The infections are expanding at a pace we have never experienced before. ”
Prime Minister Yosihide Suga
Posted: 05 Aug 2021
“ We are not shutting down. ”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Posted: 03 Aug 2021
“ You know, I can laugh about things like the Grim Reaper, but calling me Moscow Mitch is over the top. ”
Moscow Mitch McConnell (R-RU)
Posted: 29 May 2021
“ You know, we can look back at a time in history where people were told to wear a gold star, and they were definitely treated like second class citizens, so much so that they were put in trains and taken to gas chambers in Nazi Germany. And this is exactly the type of abuse that Nancy Pelosi is talking about. ”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Ersatz Human,
Posted: 25 May 2021
“ He would never have anticipated finding himself in the situation, but for the president and the rally and the way everything went down. We’ve heard ‘ mob mentality ’ — and he describes it to a T. ”
Brent Mayr
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
Posted: 24 May 2021
“ They’re accusing me of being aggressive and saying that my mannerisms are wrong. It’s definitely the other way round. ”
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA)
Moronic Asshole
Posted: 19 May 2021
“ His abuse of power as an elected member of Congress to smear a fellow veteran who works as a staffer in the same halls is disgraceful and unethical. ”
494 U.S. Military Vets to Dan Crenshaw (R-TX)
Posted: 18 May 2021
“ Why would you do this to anyone, let alone…the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States? ”
Robert Costello
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
Posted: 30 Apr 2021
“ Who among us would look perfect if every ex leaked every photo/text? ”
Matt Gaetz
Bizarro Donny Osmond
Posted: 10 Apr 2021
“ Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad… ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 27 Dec 2020
“ I feel I’m nothing today. I feel I’m nothing. I lost my son and I feel I’m nothing. ”
Mohammed Kinani
Posted: 26 Dec 2020
“ As the Holiday season approaches, President Trump will continue to work tirelessly for the American People. ”
The White House
Posted: 25 Dec 2020
“ If President Trump grants me this miracle, I can honestly say I am putting everyone connected to that zoo and that industry behind me. ”
Joe Exotic
Posted: 23 Dec 2020
“ …the great vast majority of the psychological community says homosexuality at a very minimum is a choice by the individual, and at the maximum, is a learned behavior. ”
Mike Pence
No Homo
Posted: 21 Dec 2020
“ …almost 12 million renters faced average rent and utility debts of $5,850…The estimate is almost ten times the size of the $600 checks offered in Congress’ second COVID-19 stimulus package. ”
Moodys Analytics
Posted: 21 Dec 2020
“ The magnitude of this national security breach is hard to overstate. ”
Thomas P. Bossert
Former DHS Security Advisor
Posted: 18 Dec 2020
“ …a team deployed by the General Services Administration will…‘thoroughly clean and disinfect’ all furniture, doorknobs, handrails and light switches, before Biden and his team move in. Additionally, a private contractor will provide ‘disinfectant misting services’ to clear the air of lingering droplets. ”
Politico
Posted: 17 Dec 2020
“ The Swine Flu (H1N1), and the attempt for a vaccine by the Obama Administration, with Joe Biden in charge, was a complete and total disaster. Now they want to come in and take over one of the greatest and fastest medical miracles in modern day history. I don’t think so! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 15 Dec 2020
“ Wednesday’s toll eclipsed American deaths on the opening day of the Normandy invasion during World War II: 2,500, out of some 4,400 Allied dead. ”
Associated Press
Posted: 14 Dec 2020
“ …we’re going to win this election in a landslide. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 11 Dec 2020
“ Things are really bad. ”
Dr. Ashish Jha
Brown Univ School of Public Health
Posted: 10 Dec 2020
“ President Trump won this election in a landslide…it’s going to be irrefutable…this is essentially a new American revolution…and I’m going to release the Kraken. ”
Sidney Powell
Posted: 09 Dec 2020
“ …those facing hunger will swell to 1 in 6 people, from 35 million in 2019 to more than 50 million by this year’s end. The consequences are even more dire for children — 1 in 4. ”
Feeding America
Posted: 08 Dec 2020
“ [email protected], by far the greatest mayor in the history of NYC, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election (by far!) in the history of the USA, has tested positive for the China Virus. Get better soon Rudy, we will carry on!!! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 07 Dec 2020
“ There’s plenty of data that could show in states with mask mandates are also having record cases and record deaths. If someone can show me the correlation between the mandate and their performance, that would be a good thing to see. ”
Doug Burgum
Governor of South Dakota
Posted: 05 Dec 2020
“ As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to PARDON myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong? ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 04 Dec 2020
“ The president out the door needs to pardon his whole family and himself because they want this witch hunt to go on in perpetuity. They’re so full of rage and insanity against the president. ”
Sean Hannity
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
Posted: 02 Dec 2020
“ That’s all I hear about now. That’s all I hear. Turn on television—Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. A plane goes down. 500 people dead, they don’t talk about it. Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. By the way, on November 4, you won’t hear about it anymore. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 01 Dec 2020
“ Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right? ”
Melania Trump
Posted: 30 Nov 2020
“ For purposes of National Security, Section 230 must be immediately terminated!!! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 29 Nov 2020
“ I encourage all Americans to gather, in homes and places of worship, to offer a prayer of thanks to God for our many blessings. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 26 Nov 2020
“ I can tell you we’ve come to a conclusion, and Carrots, I’m sorry to tell you the result did not change. It’s too bad for Carrots. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 24 Nov 2020
“ Sidney Powell is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team. ”
Rudolph Giuliani
Posted: 23 Nov 2020
“ Did you all watch My Cousin Vinny? ”
Rudolph Giuliani
Posted: 21 Nov 2020
“ I won the Election! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 17 Nov 2020
“ We are rounding the final turn. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 17 Nov 2020
“ …the vice president will maintain his schedule in accordance with the C.D.C. guidelines for essential personnel. ”
Devin O’Malley
Spokesman for Mike Pence
Posted: 29 Oct 2020
“ We were 3½ miles through darkness to get there. There was no direction given. ”
Kris Beckenbach
Trump Rally Volunteer
Posted: 29 Oct 2020
“ No, I pay tax. I pay a lot of tax. I just signed a big fat check recently for a lot of tax. I paid literally, I paid a lot of tax and you know, look, I don’t mind. I’m proud to pay it up. If I owe it, I pay it. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 29 Sep 2020
“ Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 19 Sep 2020
“ I saved his ass. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 10 Sep 2020
“ [My] policies are promoting economic growth, while still maintaining standards that allow Americans to have among the cleanest air and water in the world. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 09 Sep 2020
“ You gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 09 Sep 2020
“ My husband’s administration has worked to try and affect change when it comes to issues around race and religion in this country. ”
Melania Trump
Hertler
Posted: 26 Aug 2020
“ If we don’t make a deal, that means they don’t get the money. That means they can’t have universal mail-in voting; they just can’t have it. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 18 Aug 2020
“ It is what it is. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 05 Aug 2020
“ The police have killed many white people also. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 04 Aug 2020
“ If you get it in order, you get extra points. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 29 Jul 2020
“ We’re looking at Chicago, too. We’re looking at New York. All run by very liberal Democrats. All run, really, by the radical left. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 28 Jul 2020
“ This is an emoji. ”
Trump 2020 Campaign
Posted: 25 Jul 2020
“ PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 22 Jun 2020
“ The pattern looked like obstruction of justice as a way of life. ”
John Bolton
Posted: 18 Jun 2020
“ MAGA loves the black people. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 02 Jun 2020
“ California and New York must do something about their TREMENDOUS Homeless problems. They are setting records! If their Governors can’t handle the situation, which they should be able to do very easily, they must call and politely ask for help. Would be so easy with competence! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 27 May 2020
“ Save your great 2nd Amendment. It is under siege! ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 22 May 2020
“ Will some people be affected? Yes. Will some people be affected badly? Yes. But we have to get our country open, and we have to get it open soon. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 22 May 2020
“ Many of the people in DACA, no longer very young, are far from ‘angels.’ Some are very tough, hardened criminals. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 12 Nov 2019
“ It isn’t enough, though. I’m done with ‘thoughts and prayers’ in the wake of such tragedy. ”
Ben Orbach
Author and Entrepreneur
Posted: 29 Oct 2018
“ I mean, in this world, this is a world with a lot of problems. And it has been a world with a lot of problems for many years. Many, many years. You could say, frankly, for many centuries. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 28 Oct 2018
“ Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I. The boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer. ”
Brett Kavanaugh
Posted: 06 Oct 2018
“ We are going to have the Air Force and we’re going to have the Space Force, separate but equal. It is going to be something so important. ”
Donald Trump
Posted: 10 Aug 2018