“The airship comes from China and is of a civilian nature”
Chinese Foreign Ministry
Stitching This With Their Best Espionage Story
Stitching This With Their Best Espionage Story
Breathtaking Stupidity
“Trump just announced for 2024. I stand with him. I never conceded my HD 14 race. Now researching my options.”
Solomon Peña
Grand Old Partier
Grand Old Partier
“By the way, my Corvette’s in a locked garage, okay?”
Joe Biden
Improperly Vetted
Improperly Vetted
“I ran out of things I could even imagine to ask for.”
Rep. Matt Gaetz
Briefly forgetting about underage girls
Briefly forgetting about underage girls
“Bullshit!”
Rep. Lauren Boebert
Game Recognizing Game
Game Recognizing Game
“We do stupid things in life.”
Rep.-elect George Santos (R-NY)
If That’s Even His Real Name
If That’s Even His Real Name
“Each card comes with an automatic chance to win amazing prizes like dinner with me. I don’t know if that’s an amazing prize, but it’s what we have.”
Donald Trump
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
Better Than Lincoln, Better Than Washington
“If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed…….and we will deserve it.”
Lindsay Graham
Deserves It
Deserves It
“I am work with many police officers.”
Herschel Walker
Georgia Ranger
Georgia Ranger
“I’m going death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE The funny thing is I actually can’t be Anti Semitic because black people are actually Jew also”
Ye
Sshole
Sshole
“I don’t care about people’s reactions.”
Kanye West
Pete Davidson’s Eskimo Brother
Pete Davidson’s Eskimo Brother
“I know nothing of any woman having an abortion. If that had happened, I would have said there’s nothing to be ashamed of there. People have done that—but I know nothing about it.”
Herschel Walker
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
After all this, still not even cracking the top 10 worst NFL players ever.
“Everyone involved in the decision to allow Lizzo to twerk while playing James Madison’s flute needs to be deported. I don’t care if they’re citizens. Deport them somewhere.”
Andrew C. McCarthy
Who?
Who?
“I’m not that smart.”
Herschel Walker
Special Teams
Special Teams
“Everything I had was in that phone! All these businesses…Those aren’t in any cloud!”
Mike Lindell
Probably Going to MyPrison
Probably Going to MyPrison
“There was no way of knowing if what they took was legitimate, or was there a plant?”
Donald Trump
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
Clearly Not Big Into Plants
“He’s going to fucking lose.”
Donald Trump
Subject Matter Expert
Subject Matter Expert
“Well I…legitimately, I own two houses. But, uh, one of them we’re building on—the other ones I rent.”
The Neither Great Nor Powerful Dr. Oz
Jersey Boy
Jersey Boy
“At a time when we needed all hands on deck, Liz Cheney jumped ship, dogpaddled to the other side, and is now shooting back at us.”
“One dollar. Not proven.”
Andino Reynal
Alex Jones’s Lawyer, Just Before Losing a Case for $4.1M
Alex Jones’s Lawyer, Just Before Losing a Case for $4.1M
“If your policy does not cover all your damage expenses, you may be eligible for federal assistance.”
FEMA
“I don’t regret anything I did on that day.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break His Stride
“I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi.”
Rudy Giuliani
Asti Spumante
Asti Spumante
“Have one door into and out of the school, and have…armed police officers at that door.”
Ted Cruz
US Senator (R-Cancun)
US Senator (R-Cancun)
“They want to know if you are eating a cheeseburger which is very bad because Bill Gates wants you to eat his fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Bacteria Sample
Bacteria Sample
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“Do you agree with this book … that babies are racist?”
Cancún Ted Cruz (R-MX)
Junior Senator From Quintana Roo
Junior Senator From Quintana Roo
“This was not me encouraging rioters.”
Josh Hawley (R-MO)
Seditious Dipshit
Seditious Dipshit
“Remember that Zelenskyy is a thug. Remember that the Ukrainian government is incredibly corrupt and is incredibly evil and has been pushing woke ideologies.”
Madison Cawthorne (R-NC)
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
Respectfully Refers to Adolf Hitler as “The Führer”
“I think the American people are looking at two policy differences and recognizing that Donald Trump was absolutely on the right track when it came to Russia.”
Ronna McDaniel
RNC Chairwoman
RNC Chairwoman
“I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful.”
Donald Trump
Fucking Monster
Fucking Monster
“Don’t worry, don’t pick your gender yet.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
Florida Man
Florida Man
“WHEREAS, Representative Cheney and Kinzinger are participating in a Democrat-led persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse…”
Republican National Confederacy
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“If I die, I die.”
Marvin Lee “Meat Loaf” Aday
Keeps the Doctor Away
Keeps the Doctor Away
“Maybe you do a clinical trial, and it’ll show it’s less effective than against delta. That may be the case. But we have patients who have benefited. That’s just the fact.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“We fight like hell. And if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”
Donald J. Trump
Traitor
Traitor
“She is a fearless leader, a defender of the America First Agenda, and a fighter against the Loser RINOs and Radical Democrats.”
Donald J. Trump
Aspiring Despot
Aspiring Despot
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“He can’t be scripted, and he’s injudicious, and he often doesn’t understand that the process is about events and facts, rather than being performance art. ”
Tim O’Brien
Trump Biographer
Trump Biographer
“She doesn’t have a backpack, we should be fine.”
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“At this point, we think the procedures were correctly followed, and this was a righteous strike. Were there others killed? Yes, there are others killed. Who they are, we don’t know.”
Gen. Mark A. Milley
Righteous Dude
Righteous Dude
“Basically, we stand for body autonomy.”
Some Fucking Moron
I don’t even care enough to cut and paste their name
I don’t even care enough to cut and paste their name
“Robert E. Lee is considered by many Generals to be the greatest strategist of them all.”
Donald Trump
U.S. History Scholar & Renowned Military Strategist
U.S. History Scholar & Renowned Military Strategist
“I’m not taking it. Are you kidding me? Mr. Anti-Vax? Jeepers. No.”
Marc Bernier
Former Right-Wing Pundit, Current Worm Food
Former Right-Wing Pundit, Current Worm Food
“It’s almost deja vu—a reboot. We knew this. We all anticipated this. This is no surprise to any of us in the health care world.”
Shankar Kurra, M.D.
Rapid City Hospital, South Dakota,
Rapid City Hospital, South Dakota,
“That would not have been possible if we had followed Fauci. Instead we followed freedom. And that’s the reason Florida is doing better.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“Jacksonville is kind of the epicenter of this. They had one of the lowest vaccination rates going into July and that has probably really came back to bite them.”
Justin Senior
CEO, Florida Safety Net Hospital Alliance
CEO, Florida Safety Net Hospital Alliance
“This could’ve been prevented if we’d gotten vaccination numbers to higher levels.”
Donald Williamson
President, Alabama Hospital Association
President, Alabama Hospital Association
“The infections are expanding at a pace we have never experienced before.”
Prime Minister Yosihide Suga
“We are not shutting down.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis
“He yelled at the campaign’s data analysts, as if it were their fault that his father’s early leads over Biden were shrinking. ‘ We pay you to do this, ’ he said. ‘ How can this be happening? ’”
Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker
I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump’s Catastrophic Final Year
I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump’s Catastrophic Final Year
“Just say no…And keep saying no…Over Half of the US population is continuing to say no to this unapproved experimental gene therapy! ‘My body, my choice!’ #2ndAmendmentIsForThis”
Rob Schneider
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“We birthed a nation from nothing — I mean, there was nothing here.”
Rick Santorum
Frothy Poop Mixture
Frothy Poop Mixture
“We ain’t woke.”
hatWRKS Nashville
Facist Haberdashery
Facist Haberdashery
“You know, we can look back at a time in history where people were told to wear a gold star, and they were definitely treated like second class citizens, so much so that they were put in trains and taken to gas chambers in Nazi Germany. And this is exactly the type of abuse that Nancy Pelosi is talking about.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Ersatz Human,
Ersatz Human,
“He would never have anticipated finding himself in the situation, but for the president and the rally and the way everything went down. We’ve heard ‘ mob mentality ’ — and he describes it to a T.”
Brent Mayr
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
Defense Attorney & Insurrection Apologist
“Why would you do this to anyone, let alone…the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?”
Robert Costello
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
Idiot Lawyer’s Idiot Lawyer
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“What would that look like anyway? A laser beam or light beam coming down to Earth I guess. Could that cause a fire? Hmmm, I don’t know. I hope not! That wouldn’t look so good for PG&E, Rothschild Inc, Solaren or Jerry Brown who sure does seem fond of PG&E.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Majorly Troublesome Gourd
Majorly Troublesome Gourd
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad…”
Donald Trump
“I feel I’m nothing today. I feel I’m nothing. I lost my son and I feel I’m nothing.”
Mohammed Kinani
“As the Holiday season approaches, President Trump will continue to work tirelessly for the American People.”
The White House
“If President Trump grants me this miracle, I can honestly say I am putting everyone connected to that zoo and that industry behind me.”
Joe Exotic
“…the great vast majority of the psychological community says homosexuality at a very minimum is a choice by the individual, and at the maximum, is a learned behavior.”
Mike Pence
No Homo
No Homo
“…almost 12 million renters faced average rent and utility debts of $5,850…The estimate is almost ten times the size of the $600 checks offered in Congress’ second COVID-19 stimulus package.”
Moodys Analytics
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“They’re afraid to say what’s on their mind for fear of getting into a fight. But if they have that guy or that group behind them, they’re more bold in saying what they think, because they think someone has their back. The Proud Boys are the vehicle that attracts those people and accepts them in.”
Russell Schultz
ex-Proud Boy
ex-Proud Boy
“The magnitude of this national security breach is hard to overstate.”
Thomas P. Bossert
Former DHS Security Advisor
Former DHS Security Advisor
“…a team deployed by the General Services Administration will…‘thoroughly clean and disinfect’ all furniture, doorknobs, handrails and light switches, before Biden and his team move in. Additionally, a private contractor will provide ‘disinfectant misting services’ to clear the air of lingering droplets.”
Politico
“It’s going to be gradual, and I think we will know when we see the level of infection in the country at a dramatically lower level than it is right now that we can start gradually tiptoeing toward normality.”
Dr. Anthony Fauci
“The Swine Flu (H1N1), and the attempt for a vaccine by the Obama Administration, with Joe Biden in charge, was a complete and total disaster. Now they want to come in and take over one of the greatest and fastest medical miracles in modern day history. I don’t think so!”
Donald Trump
“Wednesday’s toll eclipsed American deaths on the opening day of the Normandy invasion during World War II: 2,500, out of some 4,400 Allied dead.”
Associated Press
“…we’re going to win this election in a landslide.”
Donald Trump
“Things are really bad.”
Dr. Ashish Jha
Brown Univ School of Public Health
Brown Univ School of Public Health
“President Trump won this election in a landslide…it’s going to be irrefutable…this is essentially a new American revolution…and I’m going to release the Kraken.”
Sidney Powell
“…those facing hunger will swell to 1 in 6 people, from 35 million in 2019 to more than 50 million by this year’s end. The consequences are even more dire for children — 1 in 4.”
Feeding America
“[email protected], by far the greatest mayor in the history of NYC, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election (by far!) in the history of the USA, has tested positive for the China Virus. Get better soon Rudy, we will carry on!!!”
Donald Trump
“There’s plenty of data that could show in states with mask mandates are also having record cases and record deaths. If someone can show me the correlation between the mandate and their performance, that would be a good thing to see.”
Doug Burgum
Governor of South Dakota
Governor of South Dakota
“This criticism is fair. It doesn’t matter whether something is technically allowed or not—I need to hold myself to a higher standard and I will do better.”
London Breed
Mayor of San Francisco
Mayor of San Francisco
“As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to PARDON myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?”
Donald Trump
“The president out the door needs to pardon his whole family and himself because they want this witch hunt to go on in perpetuity. They’re so full of rage and insanity against the president.”
Sean Hannity
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
The Richest Person at Rite-AID
“That’s all I hear about now. That’s all I hear. Turn on television—Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. A plane goes down. 500 people dead, they don’t talk about it. Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid. By the way, on November 4, you won’t hear about it anymore.”
Donald Trump
“Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?”
Melania Trump
“For purposes of National Security, Section 230 must be immediately terminated!!!”
Donald Trump
“I encourage all Americans to gather, in homes and places of worship, to offer a prayer of thanks to God for our many blessings.”
Donald Trump
“Sidney Powell is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team.”
Rudolph Giuliani
“I won the Election!”
Donald Trump
“We are rounding the final turn.”
Donald Trump
“…the vice president will maintain his schedule in accordance with the C.D.C. guidelines for essential personnel.”
Devin O’Malley
Spokesman for Mike Pence
Spokesman for Mike Pence
“We were 3½ miles through darkness to get there. There was no direction given.”
Kris Beckenbach
Trump Rally Volunteer
Trump Rally Volunteer
“No, I pay tax. I pay a lot of tax. I just signed a big fat check recently for a lot of tax. I paid literally, I paid a lot of tax and you know, look, I don’t mind. I’m proud to pay it up. If I owe it, I pay it.”
Donald Trump
“It affects virtually nobody.”
Donald Trump
“You gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests.”
Donald Trump
“[My] policies are promoting economic growth, while still maintaining standards that allow Americans to have among the cleanest air and water in the world.”
Donald Trump
“He was trying to get away from them, I guess, it looks like. I guess he was in very big trouble. He probably would have been killed.”
Donald Trump
“How shocked are we that 17-year-olds with rifles decided they had to maintain order when no one else would?”
Tucker Carlson
28 Aug 2020